Tired With A Capital T

Blah. I don't know what my problem is tonight, except that the more I have to do the less I feel like doing. I am wiped out. Blah. We worked at school for several hours this afternoon but that shouldn't make me want to collapse this evening. Blah. I have laundry accumulating at an alarming rate, and I still haven't touched the boxes of books in the family room. Blah. Not to mention, I think I will just drop everything tomorrow, go to Kerrville, visit with family, pick up my son, and head back home to find all. this. still. waiting. for. me. Aren't you glad you visited my blog tonight? Blah.

Jesus and Me

I bought Caleigh a little $1 painting set at Dollar Tree today (because I'm just generous like that) and she was working on it this afternoon. She asked me what I thought the box at the bottom was for. I distractedly (because that's my middle name) answered that I wasn't sure. She thought for a minute, then replied: "Well, I think I'll just do my best to draw a picture of me and Jesus there." I love the hearts of children! How many of us draw pictures of ourselves with Jesus? When do we lose that? Children somehow seem to feel closer than we do as adults to our Creator and our Savior. It sat outside to dry and ran a little, it's hard to make out that picture. But Jesus knows that it's there. So does this Mommy's heart.

It Could Be Worse

So I'm trying to convince my husband how lucky he is to have me. I tell him often how fortunate I am to have him, but I get nothing but complaints. Well, at least he complained once. Actually, I overheard him telling Caleigh she was Imelda Jr., referring to the woman with all the shoes some years ago...Anyway, he was implying that I am Imelda Sr. He has issues with my inability to pass up flip flops everywhere we go. So what if I only wear them to go outside and water the plants, he just doesn't understand...I could have MUCH worse habits, even in the shoe department. You never know when the occasion might arise for some bejeweled footwear that only cost $3, plus it brings me happiness. I really think he should consider himself blessed.

The Balancing Act That is My Life

First, look! He has a floor!!! I am so proud!!

Now for the not so happy news. It has officially started...the craziness that is my life when it comes to the time known as Back to School. I jumped in the car today and took off on that 10 mile drive to my other world, no looking back. Of course I dragged Russell with me. We spent about 3 hours moving my personal belongings from 3rd grade to kindergarten. We didn't even finish. Meanwhile, Conner inspired Caleigh to give her room a thorough cleaning and rebirth...so we have that going on at home. Also, I have 3 big boxes of books, etc. in our family room that were the result of Conner's cleaning HIS room. I have to go through them and take some to school, give some away, etc. All of this made me tired, so I took a nap and Russell cooked dinner. Spaghetti. Now my kitchen looks like, well, like Russell cooked dinner. The goal: to start school on August 24th with a clean classroom (make that 2 of those), 2 clean bedrooms (belonging to my children), a family room with no boxes, and the remains of one messy, though delicious, spaghetti dinner gone. I'll keep you posted.

Old Friends...Are the Best!

We have had a great weekend, busy but good. Russell, Caleigh and I worked some volunteer hours at the prison's hospitality center. We did some housework. We rested. We visited with our good friends the Keeneys who were passing through town on their way home from the beach. Friendship and fellowship with other Christian families is one of God's greatest blessings anyway, but our two families share such an interesting connection. We have truly been through some of life's most joyous moments together, such as the births of 3 of our 4 combined children. Conner was already around when we met. We have also shared some moments that only true friends could help each other survive. I'm serious, you would not believe some of the things our two families have been through over the past 11 years. I could go on and on, but I'll just say it was great to see you guys as always and YES, it is our turn to visit you. We are thankful that God put you in our lives!

We're Back...and So Are Those Feelings

We had a whirlwind 24 hours in SA while Russell received his final iron infusion. We were not able to see the orthopedic surgeon at this visit due to time conflicts, so we will go back in a couple of weeks to see him. We didn't actually see the oncologist at this visit either, but did get all our orders for next month when they will, for the 2nd of many times post-treatment, do scans. He will also get his Zometa at that visit, a drug that helps strengthen his bones. Caleigh sees the neurologist at that time as well to evaluate the new medication. So far, so good with that. Thank you Lord!

I tend to hyperventilate when I think about having to miss 1 1/2 days of school on the first week back, but this is our new normal. It will only be every 9 weeks, so it will have to be okay. God has blessed me with a very sweet, kind teaching partner next year who has already said that it will be fine. I still have so many conflicting feelings about the way last year went, but at the end of the day, all I can say is that you do what you have to do. I am a people pleaser, peacemaker by nature but sometimes things just don't go smoothly. I have read so many validating things about caregiving/cancer and I KNOW that I have done the best that I could. For people who "don't understand" to understand, they would have to experience what we experienced and I don't wish that on anyone. Can you tell that I still have some unresolved issues? All I know to do is keep praying that I can find the peace I need, forgive those who inflicted extra pain on me during a crisis that already hurt, and move on.

When I write my book on Surviving Life as I Know It, I will have a chapter on the month of May 2009 for sure. Enough for now.

Guess Where We Are???

Did we fly to a tropical location? Is it our dream vacation? Nope, just burgers at Biff Buzby's in San Antonio. You would think Caleigh and Brilyn hadn't seen each other in ages instead of 5 days. Good food, good company--we can pretend that it is a vacation. Even if the real reason we are here is to see Russell's oncologist and have an iron infusion. We did vacate Karnes County. Yeah, it's a vacation. It's all in the way you look at it! By the way--the skeleton is right, it IS worth the wait.

It's All Good

So my son has decided that his room needs a makeover. Before I agree to buy a desk, new bedding, etc. he must CLEAN said room. This has been a week long venture. If you know Conner, you know he inherited some packrat genes...we won't say where he got them because that would be difficult to pinpoint as they run rampant on both sides. The good news: he is trading out everything burnt orange and Longhorn related for maroon and Aggie related. My heart swells with love and pride when I see a clean room with MAROON in it! I quietly waited out his ut phase and thanks to FCA and a little trip to an Aggie football game last fall, victory is mine. They didn't even win the game, but all it takes is a trip to that campus and fate is sealed. He longingly talks about "when he moves to College Station"...could an Aggie mama's heart ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen anything so cute?

Tomorrow we take sweet Miss Bri back to her parents. It is going to be sad for one "little Mama" named Caleigh Faith. These two girls have been inseparable...they are so cute together. When I mentioned to Caleigh that it was almost time for Brilyn to go home her eyes welled up with tears and she said "Please can we keep her longer? I'll take care of her and do her laundry and bathe her and..."--I had to remind her that this is her cousin and not a stray--and that her parents are missing her and she misses them! She will just have to go back to mothering the dog when her little cousin goes home. Don't even think what you're about to think...NO! Our family is complete!

More of My Musings

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When
God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you. He's merely opening
your hands to receive something better."

I saw this somewhere the other day, and to be perfectly honest, after I copied and pasted it I promptly forgot (completely!) where it came from. My apologies to the author...I wonder about my mind sometimes. I will say this though, these words spoke to my heart in a way that few things do. I guess because I have been struggling so with the changes in my life over the past months, I don't know, but I can't stop thinking about it. Am I the only one who sees the wisdom in these words? When I look back over my life I see it again and again...thinking I knew what was best for me, having it pulled from my grasp, only to see that He had a better plan and knew EXACTLY what I needed. How old do you have to be before you learn? When do you stop fighting Him?

On a lighter note, in my quest for fun things to do that don't involve being out in the sun, we made a trip to Victoria yesterday and went to the mall and to Incredible Pizza. If you have an Incredible Pizza near you, take your family. It is a business based on Christian and healthy family principles--and it's fun! While the mall is not my favorite place to go, I had promised Conner so we went. As malls go, Victoria isn't TOO bad. What Conner wanted to do was stand around at Best Buy and listen to their geek squad give computer advice to people, then tell us what they REALLY should have told them. He wants to know if he can get a job as a computer consultant when he turns 16. Go for it son, I haven't the foggiest notion what you are talking about anyway. He keeps our electronics all running well, and for that we are happy.

Sorry there are no pictures. I had already made Russell turn around and go back for something once, when I realized that I forgot the camera. He wouldn't turn around twice--it could have had something to do with seeing the Victoria city limits sign before I realized the camera was at home. Men are so unreasonable sometimes...

Fun in the Sun!

About the only way to stay cool and survive this heat is a Sonic drink and a splash pad. The cousins had a picnic today and enjoyed as much of the sun as we could stand. I just knew that this would lead to a wonderful rest time...guess again. At least they were still and quiet for a little while. We are so happy to be settling back into a somewhat normal routine. Russell and Caleigh have some appointments coming up, but life is just a bit more relaxed at the moment. I am slowly getting some school prep work done which will help me to have a less hectic back-to-school event. Otherwise, we are enjoying a slower pace with fewer worries. Somehow it feels deserved! Love, sb

Nap Time...or is it?

We are thoroughly enjoying having our niece Brilyn Grace here this week. She is precious and a joy to have around. She and Caleigh are the best of friends. This is what I found when I went to check on their progress at rest time. Yes Regina, I do brush her hair, but they both had the "wild" look after their "resting" session with Millie. We gave up on napping (they did have an hour of "quiet" time) and now they are off playing on the neighbor's playscape. We called her mom as we were finishing up dinner last night so that Brilyn could say hi. Her mom asked her if she had a yummy dinner and Brilyn said, "Yes! It was DELICIOUS!" Aww, I think I might keep her! Hope you all are managing to stay cool and have fun this summer. If you get bored and need to add some laughter and pizazz to your summer, rent a two year old. Love, sb

How Do I Spell Relief? C-L-E-A-R

We got the message we have been waiting for this afternoon. I was at a workshop (an EXCELLENT one I might add) and Russ was at a meeting--so it came by way of the answering machine. Jan, our research nurse left a sweet message. The biopsy was clean! This is such a beautiful answer to the prayers of so many. We are ready to relax and celebrate now! We both feel that a huge burden has been lifted from our shoulders. We know that we will have to watch it very carefully--but to end the treatment cycles with a clean report is the best news we could have imagined. All praise to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...love, sb

Happiness is...

a preliminary bone marrow biopsy that looks good! We finally heard from our research nurse earlier today and she said the the report had been in since late Friday but she has not been able to pin the doctor down to discuss it. As she didn't want to make us wait any longer, she called just to say that what she had seen looked okay. We hope to get more specific information in the coming days, but this is good enough for now. Thank you so much for continuing to keep our family in your prayers. We feel so loved and taken care of. It was a joy to hear from our internet friends from the twin islands of Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean. We had lost touch for a couple of months. Laura posted on Caringbridge a day or so ago. We became long distance friends when we read their daughter Jessika's story on the RSD website. She has almost the exact same diagnosis as Conner--RSD and JRA. As Jessika was getting better, Laura found out that she had breast cancer. I remember praying for her and thinking "how can one family deal with so many challenges?" Then Russell developed lymphoma. We have so many things in common--except they live in the breezy Caribbean and we live in the armpit of south Texas! We have prayed for each other and corresponded by email for a couple of years now. Pretty cool! One of the blessings of life as we have come to know it.

Just A Lazy Summer Sunday Afternoon

This heat is about to get the best of me. I have seen terrible numbers on my car's thermometer in the last few days. Things like 115, and on a good day maybe only 102. After feeling that we were melting at the July 4th parade yesterday morning, last night's fireworks were very enjoyable. There was a wonderful breeze and the show was quite good as small town fireworks displays go. We had a fun and yummy cookout with the Greene family and their grandson Kevin before the show. Let me tell you, I experienced one of the best culinary delights last night. Jim and Linda asked if they could bring a dessert--and did they ever! It was an apple cheesecake with just a hint of a habanero pepper glaze. Oh my goodness!! There was just enough heat to warm your mouth, nothing serious. Mixed with the sweet apples and the cream cheese...it was my kind of treat!

Today was a wonderful Lord's Day with our KCOC family. We had several visitors this morning which is always nice and then we had a little impromptu fellowship after services tonight. Russell continues with some lessons from Daniel. Today's was excellent. Can the preacher's wife say that? I did! It was timely as we are awaiting the biopsy results in the next day or so as well as facing years of watchful waiting.

He is able. He can. But even if He does not, we will continue to serve Him.

In Daniel 3 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to the king:

"Oh Nebuchabnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from
it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Love, sb

4th of July...and the birth of a blog!

Here we begin another phase in the life of the Briley family. While I will continue to use the Caringbridge blog for updates on Russell, I have decided to move to this blog for our everyday family happenings. Hopefully I will be able to handle the increased technology level (with Conner's help) and post pictures etc. for the grandparents and anyone else who might be interested. Today was the big 4th of July parade and Conner's marching debut. He is the one in the yellow shirt. We had to laugh at him--he came home after their first rehearsal and announced that the band sounded great. The second night they actually practiced marching and he came home with this question: "Mom, do you think it is a problem that I can't play and walk at the same time?" We assured him that it will come with time. They did great today, and won the 1st place trophy for local entries. We are recovering from the heat this afternoon, and planning a cookout for tonight as well as watching the fireworks display. Happy 4th!!