Fully Trusting

I was talking to Michelle last night (before I ordered her phone OFF!) and discussing the roller coaster ride that is our life right now. We talked about how amazing it was that Milissa came off the ventilator, and how she physically looks better today. Then Michelle mentioned that the doctor took her (and my parents) aside last night and discussed the situation. She mentioned possibly having to intubate Milissa again and how close they came to having to completely paralyze her on Tuesday...and that it isn't out of the picture. I know the conversation was necessary to keep them informed and thinking realistically, and I know that the doctor sees things from a different perspective than we do. That being said, I just wish we could level off for awhile. If I never see the words "Call me as soon as you get this" on a text again, it will be a good thing. Hate those words. When I think about the sheer number of people praying for my sweet sister and for our family, when I think about how God has answered those prayers one by one, my heart overflows. Why do I want Him to do things differently? He is capable of totally healing her in one fell swoop, so to speak, but He is choosing to bring her two steps forward, one step back. I need to be okay with that. I need to be fully trusting. Why is this so difficult for me?

Transitions

I sat at the bedside this evening of a dear sister in Christ. After suffering from the complications of diabetes for many years, her body is tired. She has made the decision to end dialysis treatment and is living what will be her final days at home, surrounded by a host of loving family members and friends. As I sat with her tonight, at times her eyes were hazy. Other times they were bright and clear. Perhaps the most poignant moment was when she looked straight into my eyes with her beautiful, knowing blue eyes and quoted, "In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." I thought about these words as I watched her loving husband of almost 62 years look into her eyes as if she were a young bride...his young bride. I watched her daughter and grandchildren comfort her, one of her precious great grandchildren adoringly lean over the bed railing and tell her he loved her. I started thinking about transitions--from infancy to childhood, to teen years, young adult, middle age, old age--and about how difficult some of life's transitions can be for us. Single to married, childless to a family, full house to empty nest...and then the ultimate transition. How difficult it can be for us to let go of our loved ones...and yet that final transition is the one we are preparing for from birth. Our Father's house. At one point during our visit, my sweet friend said, "I'm going home. I'd like to wait for all of you, but..." As her words trailed off I felt the conflicting emotions of holding on and letting go. "Yes! Wait, I don't want to see your family go through the pain of saying goodbye. I want to see your smile at church and our famous Christmas party and talk about recipes." That, and in the same breath..."No! Go, leave the struggles of this life and be free from pain." As I was struggling for words, she suddenly brightened and said, "Sing to me. About heaven." We did. She then asked for a prayer. Before we left, a kiss and an I love you...because that IS this sweet lady's standard greeting and goodbye. We'll all be there, to make this transition as easy as possible for her and especially for her family. And then some day she'll be there on the welcoming committee. The one with the beautiful smile and the twinkling eyes.